Habit #1 Begin with The End in Mind
Habit # 2 Re-define Love in Action
Habit #3 There’s No “I” In Team
Habit #4 Use a Family Executive Council
Habit # 5 Depend on Family Meetings
Habit #6 One on One Regular Dates
Habit #7 Break the Habit of Being You-
Using The Power of the Baal Shem Tov's
Machshava Map
Transcript of talk given to Single Jewish Mothers
hosted by, Bais Chana International
Virtual Retreat May 13, 2020
Believe it or not, there’s an alternative world full of a few million families living a more wholesome, simpler, easy kind of life and my intention with this short introduction is to give a vision of what they know that you may not.
Welcome to A Life Worth Living’s Homeschooling and Heart Centered Parenting Course:
Seven Habits to Inspire A Family Team Introduction to Homeschooling & Heart Centered Parenting
Shalom, I’m Chana Rus, and for twenty-five years I was blessed to spend my days in the company of children mine and other peoples in a holistic, classical liberal arts, magical life-learning environment.
Today, I want to give you a glimpse of the habits families adopt to ensure a family team mentality and atmosphere develops... It all begins with self-government.
Interestingly enough, it was some of my experience working with so many brave, single mamas who choose homeschooling, -because it made their life easier—who became living proof that being single doesn’t mean you are a victim or stuck in societies patterns.
That shifting and adopting new habits can actually be a precious opportunity for family growth, enabling you to reach for your dreams.
The habits I am about to give over are a part of a collection of eighteen that are actually adopted naturally by single homeschooling moms out of necessity. Married homeschooling moms also discover quickly that these habits are as essential to the growth and well-being of their family as the water is to this plant that is developing its new roots.
But as you will see, they are not just essential to homeschoolers…
So, let’s talk about the Seven Habits of Inspiring A Family Team.
Theses habits are tried and true and come from a popular parenting workshop that I give. Time won’t allow a full presentation, but you’ll get the gist. Feel free to reach out to me for a Free Discovery Session if you would like to delve deeper…or request more information via email.
HABIT NUMBER ONE: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND- You’ve heard this one before but it worth taking the time to do because it’s foundational --so it’s first on my list…
Take a moment and visualize…. What does your family look like twenty years from now when the adult children, their spouses and the grandchildren are sitting around the holiday table? Who have they become? What are they talking about? How do they parent? Do you like them?
Together, sit down with your kids create a family vision and mission and see the future constantly in everything you do. This puts everyone on the same page, going for the same outcome and makes, "what to do" decisions easier, even if they are hard and even if we don’t like them.
HABIT NUMBER TWO: REDEFINE LOVE IN ACTION:
Ask yourself, do I need to change THE WAY I LOVE? What we homeschool mamas learned quickly that single moms learned too, is that that we were totally outnumbered. We simply had to let go of believing that “servicing our kids” was a proven way to love them.
The kids had to help, even the littlest ones.
Being pushed into breaking the habit of policing and servicing showed us our kids were way more capable than we ever imagined. We watched as they grew in their self worth because being on a team naturally nurtures self-esteem and life purpose in connection to the family. We discovered that the "new normal" need for a teen or young adult to “go find themselves” disappeared. The sweetest gift became when the daily act of “self-governing” had family life running naturally and smoothly on its own.
HABIT NUMBER THREE- THERE’S NO “I” IN TEAM:
Now don’t get me wrong, there is totally a “I” and that is important but right now we are speaking about being on a family team.
“Children who know they are a part of a bigger whole are more willing to let go of their own wants and wishes when it’s good for the family team. They come to understand there is no I on a team and thinking about the team first inspires selflessness. And that is one of the most precious and steadfast character trait to grow into an adult with.
HABIT NUMBER FOUR: USE A FAMILY EXECUTIVE COUNCIL -The FEC council is made up of you, your husband or someone else who loves your children and most importantly we invite Hashem. This is a prayerful meeting that a single parent could do with just Hashem.
This is not the time for emotional venting. It’s a regularly scheduled, productive family operations and child development meeting to focus on family life and individuals that need attention.
Over the twenty years that I have been mentoring families the most success and highest quality of life and relationship is found in homes where the FEC is a consistent part of the regular family life and it’s the secret to naturally changing the environment and not the child; the result, the family drama naturally disappears.
HABIT NUMBER FIVE: FAMILY MEETINGS: meet once a week at the same time with the children and nurture just about everything families need to discuss, deal with and plan. Something comes up during the week. Say, "hey bring it up at the family meeting."
This is the time set aside to inspire family values, rhythm and mission. It's the place to envision how the family will move through their days where we outline who is responsible for what and what goals each individual is going for.
This is the space where the child learns to trust that their voice matters, and they are important to the running of the family. These meetings are the foundation to shifting a family from: "mom as the police officer" who micro manages, into becoming a team that is self-governed and where the shift from reactive into proactive parenting driven by family vision occurs.
HABIT NUMBER SIX: ONE ON ONE DATES: This is where the heart magic happens… Schedule a weekly date with each child the same time each week.
30 minutes is enough but longer is better.
Take this date a seriously -as if you were meeting a king or queen! This is not a time to discipline, teach or give over anything but your time, undivided attention and heart. It’s hard to do this at first. But what you will discover is that putting this time into your child’s love tank will pay off more than you can imagine! This is where you intuitively and energetically soothe hearts, change behaviors and in turn heal the world one heart to heart connection at a time!
HABIT NUMBER SEVEN: -BREAK THE HABIT OF BEING YOU
We look to our Chassidic masters for this one…
Adopt the practice of doing a MACHSHAVA MAP MEDITATION - This my friends is not your everyday close your eyes and go fly around in the higher realms and you’ll feel relaxed and good kind of meditation.
The negative to positive machshava map brings together daas (self-awareness) allowing it to control your middos (character traits/habits) ,
And meets the unresolved and challenging emotions locked into the "animal soul" --you know those reoccurring emotional thoughts that don’t serve and show up to sabotage us over and over.
The meditative machshava map uses those emotions themselves to elevate into "the G*dly soul", thus resolving, and healing, while melting or releasing the emotions.
Put simply, "the middos are the powerful engine that provides the energy to drive their own tikkun (repair/healing)"
We literally are rewiring the brain, heart and emotional footprint as we circle around a few minutes each day the little mini movies of our lives. We transform the triggers from negative to positive emotions as we see on this map.
Lear more about the Baal Shem Tov's Revolutionary Technique for Emotional Healing & Transformation: https://youtu.be/lFj_jECibXU
That's Seven Habits in Seven Minutes that are Life Transformation Habits That Inspire A Family Team!
There you have it... Three meetings that will free up so much of your time and root into your day’s a sweet life purpose and clarity
Along with four parenting methods from which to grow your family team.
May you only know the sweetness of revealed goodness in your family life….
And remember, these precious souls choose you to be their mama…. That makes you the perfect one to guide them on this life journey, BH!
Kol Tov ~~Cr
After close to 3 decades of family and homeschool mentoring here's what Chana Rus knows to be true...The actual act of managing the house, the children, the food, along with homeschooling, takes at the most an hour and a half per day... And if you want to push it -two and a half hours per day....
Then what's a mother to do?
"I've been so overwhelmed these past few days. Thanks to a conversation with Chana Rus - aka the homeschooling/ unschooling Queen (plus many other areas of expertise!) I feel like I've shifted from being slave mummy to Mama the Manager." ~Charlotte Coren
Homeschool & Heart-Centered Parenting Zoom Webinar with Chana Rus 5/19 Register Here: https://forms.gle/WBnxNrxM73jem6bx6
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